Fremantlebiz - Paul's Letter from Australia

Mr Howard - Going, going...

Only three more sleeps to the federal election and then we Australians can all get on with our concentration for Christmas.

It sure looks like Mr Howard and his Liberals are going to be given their marching orders. They've been running in circles this week and some of the rats have been jumping off their sinking ship, especially amongst their coalition cohorts in the National Party.

Mr Howard appeared on TV with his treasurer Mr Costello. They wanted to give the impression that they were good chums in spite of all the reports over time of animosity. I remember a one liner from Mr Costello about the PM. He said his boss always forgets to put the cap on the toothpaste.

I suspect this was a paralogical metaphor. Over time Mr Howard has had some very expensive whims with minimal consultation with his peers. Mr Costello has then had to find the means to fund them. In particular I'm thinking of the establishment and defence of East Timor and the involvement in the Iraq and Afghan wars. All of these have become black holes for Australian taxpayer dollars. So maybe you can see the metaphor. Mr Howard has been squeezing the treasury as if it was a tube of toothpaste, and not recapping it when enough was enough.

I watched Mr Howard again last night being interviewed by Kerry O'Brien on the ABC's 7.30 Report. Mr O'Brien subjected the PM to a gruelling set of questions about his negative allegations over past economic performance by Labor governments. Mr Howard's responses were hesitant and unconvincing. He slurs his speech much more when he is under pressure, and he was doing it quite a bit last night. I think if there had been an electronic 'worm' monitoring his approval rating, it would have flatlined at the bottom of the scale for the entire interview.

Mr O'Brien delivered a coupe de grace at the end by thanking Mr Howard for the many interviews over the 11 years since he became PM. Clearly 'bloodnut' thought that this was the final one - Mr Howard was a gonorrhoea for sure. I was thinking the PM's left eyebrow looked like it was a fake stuck on crookedly.

We shouldn't feel too sorry for Mr Howard. Eleven years as PM will have provided him with some pretty substantial retirement perks. There will be far more superannuation than he'll ever know what to do with, and of course he'll have a gold travel pass for him and his wife to flit wherever they like at any time, plus a secretarial-staffed luxury office for life. I think he'll get a government car too and of course be on several A lists, provided he doesn't dribble too much at functions. Such is life for ex-PMs. Will he do a Ben Cousins and get those famous words tattooed on his solar plexus?

If the Liberals lose, then that's it for Mr Costello's prime ministerial aspirations. He'll have to find a blacksmith to remove the ring from his nose, which Mr Howard has been dragging him along by all these years. I suspect he's realised that by now. Never mind. He'll get some fancy retirement perks too.

Someone who will be really peeved will be Mr Downer. I think that he always intended to snatch the top job from Mr Costello at the last moment, and in a Machiavellian sort of way, Mr Howard might have known this. That's democracy for you.

There will be a media ban on political advertising after today. That's a relief. The Liberals have really insulted the intelligence of electors during this campaign with grainy black and white fear-ads about the evils of trade unionism. For me, these messages reflected a totalitarian-regime mentality. If allowed to continue for another couple of years we might all be practising to goose step. The message I've had from the ads, and some other revelations of shonky Liberal behaviour is that Mr Howard and his henchmen are no longer worthy of the trust of the nation. They've treated the electorate and its workforce with almost total contempt.

© MMVII Paul R. Weaver.

About the writer

Check out each month's subject index on the Calendar Page for my "common-man" monologues about survival in 21st century Australia – plus a little history occasionally. An original essay is added most days as part of an undertaking to write a couple of million words.

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