Virgin to Virgin

The Virgin to Virgin phone service doesn’t work very well at ground level in Pemberton, but it does from the top of the Gloucester Tree. At about 4pm the phone rang here and it was my eldest daughter calling excitedly from the top of the Mount Everest of the southwest forests. “Jolly good show old girl.” I said as I munched on a cucumber sandwich and sipped my Earl Grey tea.

By coincidence I had a Virgin sitting on my lap, a new Virgin mobile phone that is. My wife and I had earlier returned from an expedition to Kmart where we had purchased one to give to our other teenage daughter, whom we are gradually allowing greater independence. This brings to a total of nine mobiles in this family.

The new phone was on special for $70. Colour screen, prepaid credit to the tune of about $20 and a 12 month warranty. Being in the Virgin network means family interconnection at five cents a minute, with a twenty cent connection fee, unless you are on the ground in Pemberton.

Its amazing how easy it is to buy these things now. When mobile phones first came out you had to provide identification, and personal details were entered in a journal kept by the seller, but now its a case of no questions asked. Simply hand over the cash and you can be on your way. Perfect for criminals involved in nefarious activities.

I use the things as little as possible. Perhaps it’s because my hearing is less acute, but a cryptic conversation of about ten words is enough for me on a mobile. When it rings too, there is usually a delay before I recognise it is mine. Then there is a panic to actually find it, and figure out which button to press to answer. Then when the call finishes I have to figure out which button to terminate. Logically, so I thought, it should be the same button as to answer, but not so. That effort puts the whole network on hold, and allows my credits tick away.

Yesterday I punched two new numbers into my phone. The Western Australian Police have just set up a new communications centre and have changed their phone number for non-urgent phone calls. It seems too many people have been using the 000 emergency number to report lost cats and dogs.

The new number is 131444. We are assured that a trained operator will be waiting at the other end for our mundane messages and respond appropriately. This is good. About eight years ago I rang the police about 2am in the morning to report that I had heard a plate glass window being smashed in the house next door. I was flabbergasted when the cop replied, “What do you want us to do about it.” I told him all right.

The other number is more serious. Symbolic of the times we live in. The terrorist alert number. Someone has recognised that in such matters the various police forces of the nation can be less than reliable in their response. The number is 1800123400. Apparently there is a trained operator waiting there too, more trained than with the police.

The TV ad said you can remain anonymous. Oh yes? My guess is that if I rang the number the operator would automatically have my driver’s licence photo and all sorts of other pertinent details about me flashed up on his screen. “Warning, this person has made satirical comments about politicians, royalty and just about everyone else.”

But didn’t I say that you didn’t have to provide ID when you bought a new phone? Well it might seem that way, but my purchase was recorded on my FlyBuys card and through that, somewhere there is a mainframe computer which knows where I live.

We also bought 200 cans of soft drink from a nearby supermarket. These were recorded on a different loyalty card, but still were recorded in a distant mainframe

This suspicious activity is part of a cunning fundraising plot. Its to be in the form of a combined school-bands concert called “Twister.” It was inspired by the May tornado which destroyed the music building and its contents. Several other schools are rallying to the cause and there will be plenty of oom-pah-pah next weekend.

I had a bit of bother with a local supermarket over the drinks. The woman in charge reckoned we were buying too many for a retail quantity - thus taking unfair advantage of their bait advertising.

This store does a lot of bait advertising. It’s in breach of state consumer protection laws, but the government consumer protection department seems to think its primary role is to protect shopkeepers from consumers.

The trick is to advertise something at a low price, but don’t have the item in stock, or only display a small quantity each day. The supermarket, which is part of a large chain, does it a lot with canned fruit and frozen vegetables. The strategy is to get people into the shop with the bait, and then hopefully they will buy something else with a higher markup. When challenged, the staff tell the customers they are expecting further shipments of the discount items later in the week. Sometimes over the years I’ve been at this particular store soon after opening time in the morning and been told there was plenty of stock when they opened, but there must have been a customer rush.

In comparison, the store’s nearby competitors, Coles and Woolworths seem to take great care to carry plenty of stock for everything they advertise. Coles were more than happy to sell us 200 packets of potato crisps.

6 am - I have just heard on the radio the bad news that there have been more bomb attacks on the London transport system. Apparently there are no casualties. The attacks tell us something significant. None of the suffering, anguish and political reaction resulting from the last attacks two weeks ago have been a deterrent. I notice that 22 July is the second anniversary of the killing of Uday and Qusay Hussein, the sons of Saddam Hussein.

© MMV Paul R. Weaver.

About the writer


Check out the index of my "common-man" monologues about survival in 21st century Australia – plus a little history occasionally. An original essay is added most days.